Nic
Nic works in sales for a multinational food company.
After his wife, Mel, died in 2023, he collated and illustrated a book of her favourite recipes.
“The first weekend Mel came to mine, I cooked. I was flambéing duck breasts - obviously, I wanted to impress her. Afterwards she told me that’s when she knew she was going to marry me.
We were both foodies. We loved eating out; every meal was an opportunity. Friday nights were always special - we’d make the effort to sit down at the table, treat it like an occasion. Food was never just fuel.
I’m not a chef, but I’ve always loved cooking and entertaining. Mel really encouraged me. She gave me the confidence to have a go at anything.
I think we all have an emotional connection with food. It gives you a sense of people and place. Those things we remember from childhood - often it’s all tied up with food.
Mel took as much pleasure from a dirty treat as she did from a fancy restaurant or foodie experience.
She loved a posh fishfinger sandwich with cod goujons and tartare sauce in ciabatta as much as a Birdseye fishfinger in plastic bread and cheese. She loved iced buns from the bakery and fancy French patisseries.
She always spoke about taking joy in everyday things. That’s what I’ve tried to capture, to remember.
After a funeral, everything gets quieter. You go back to work. You have a lot of evenings on your own. That’s just the reality of it.
Afterwards, I found a book a friend had given me years before. It was embossed on the front with ‘Recipes by Nic’ and that’s where this all started. I don’t watch much television - I don’t find it a very fulfilling solitary pursuit - but this was something I could do on my own.
I’d sit in the kitchen drawing and listening to the radio and I’d forget the time. Suddenly it’d be 2am and I’d be going, ‘Oh shit’.
Sometimes when I’ve been doing it, I’ve been thinking about Mel, but I’ve been thinking about her taking joy in something or a fond memory of a silly situation we had together. That’s been really nice. It’s been good for me to get those things out.
It didn’t feel like a big, heavy thing. But it’s given me an outlet; a bit more purpose.
Grief isn’t linear. People move through it at different speeds. You can’t say it’s going to be a certain way - it’s all so fluid.
I’ve been very aware of it with Mel’s friends - we all go through grief, but at different paces and in different ways. I made a conscious effort to stay connected with her friendship group, so they don’t just become those acquaintances you send a Christmas card to. That’s been really important to me.
It’ll be good to get this to a place where I can share this with them. I hope they take as much pleasure from remembering the things that Mel loved as I have. It’s almost there.
I’ve shown it to some artist friends. They’ve been really helpful, giving me ideas and helping me improve what I have been doing. They’re going to help me turn it into a book when the time comes so that I can share it more widely.
I want it to be soon. Maybe it sounds strange, but I do feel there’s a bit of a timeline on it. I don’t know if I want this project to last forever.
“It didn’t feel like a big, heavy thing.
But it’s given me an outlet; a bit more purpose. ”
When I first started, this was going to be my draft. I was going to rough it out and then re-do it on plain paper. But now that doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.
I look at some bits now and think, ‘That looks awful’ or ‘I could do that better’ but I like the mistakes, the crossing out. Even the spelling mistakes. It’s all part of it. I’ve got far too many cookbooks, and the ones I really love have a lot of emotion in them. They show you a messy plate.
It’s become as much about me as it’s about Mel. Yes, she loved these recipes, but they’re also dishes I cook for myself or for friends. They’re very much part of my repertoire. It’s all intertwined.
I know that I’m going to find new recipes. I’m going to have more wonderful meals with friends. My love of cooking and hosting and doing things with other people - it all continues.
I’ve been so lucky. I have so many positive memories. I feel genuinely privileged to have experienced everything we did together.
I look back and think ‘That was amazing.’ But I hope my future is going to be as well.”